


Security protocols

by apathyinreverie



Series: Team Tony [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), James Bond (Craig movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apathyinreverie/pseuds/apathyinreverie
Summary: The one where Tony Stark and James Bond have known each other since before they ever really made a name for themselves.And Q can't quite decide whether he wants to kiss his boyfriend or murder him for forgetting to mention that he’s been drinking buddies with Tony Stark of all people for more than two decades now.
Relationships: James Bond & Tony Stark, James Bond/Q
Series: Team Tony [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2161674
Comments: 56
Kudos: 429





	Security protocols

Q is happily in the zone, fiddling away at his newest invention.

He loves this part of the job. When there are no crucial-for-world-peace missions to oversee, when he gets a few hours to just invent away, the noise of his department and his many minions – ahem, employees – sciencing away surrounding him.

Not to even mention that James got back from his last mission just three days ago and he apparently even took the please-don’t-break-the-world-order-this-time orders he had been given to heart, and thus there are no messes for Q’s department to clean up. Well, nothing unfixable at least. Seeing as it’s still very much 007 who had been sent on that particular mission and the day James Bond manages to go an entire mission without messing with something or someone - if only out of sheer boredom - is the day the entirety of MI6 will promptly start preparing for the apocalypse. Q has it on good authority that there are actual emergency protocols in place for that exact occasion.

Point is, James got back just a few days ago and is thus still on his mandatory one week post-mission leave and Q doesn’t have anything too pressing on his plate right now. Meaning, once Q gets done here today, he’ll get to go home, will get to go to his apartment where he’ll actually have someone waiting for him for once.

Not to even mention that it’s their one-year anniversary today. If Q knows his boyfriend at all, there will be loads of expensive foods and even more expensive drinks involved, while clothes will be very much optional.

He feels his lips quirk up slightly on one side. He has quite the surprise prepared for his boyfriend as well, thinks of what he has currently stored on one of the lower levels, lest James in his I-have-to-know-everything snooping sprees coincidentally manages to comes across the car Q built for him, that Aston Martin his boyfriend has been fawning over in that quiet way of his for months now. Well, with a couple of... improvements that Q decided to add. Obviously.

Yeah, it’s not often that Q actually looks forward to leaving the lab at the end of the day.

However, for now he is still busy fiddling with the supposed-to-be-a-high-powered-mini-laser-hidden-in-seemingly-unobtrusive-cufflinks, cheerfully tinkering away.

So, he thinks he really can’t be blamed for initially missing the fact that there is an intruder in the lab. Q gets distracted by his tech on his best days, add to that his distraction from thinking about what awaits him once he gets back home tonight… So, excuse him for not realizing anything is amiss at all, right until he hears one of his techies behind him give a rather loud squeak.

Though, the noise itself doesn’t really give him much pause. You know, since it’s a noise Q is actually rather familiar with, a strangely enthusiastic but-oh-my-god-this-isn’t-supposed-to-happen sort of squeak that usually tends to be followed by some sort of explosion as whatever said minion might have been working on promptly disintegrates, usually not only melting itself but – more often than not – also taking the entire workstation of said techie with it.

So, the squeak itself doesn’t actually give Q that much pause. But rather, it’s the lack of explosions or fire extinguishers being waved about wildly or even just hectic scrambling that usually follows, that has Q – and most everyone else in the lab – spinning around in something that more resembles intrigue than actual apprehension.

Only for them to be collectively left staring at the sight that greets them, the sight of someone - who is definitely not supposed to be here - casually strolling into the lab, eyes bright and interested and amused as he glances around.

Q blinks once.

And then, right on cue, MI6’s intruder alert starts blaring through the building, and he knows it will only take another couple of moments before guards and security personnel start flooding his department. They’ve all been a little sensitive to security breaches since the whole Silva incident.

However, right now, Q honestly couldn’t care less about the guards and agents scrambling through the doors to his lab, no matter how much he usually insists on his general rule of only letting a defined, limited number of MI6’s more rough-handed employees anywhere near the rather sensitive equipment in his department at the same time.

No, Q barely spares it a thought.

Because.

That’s Tony Stark, standing right smack in the middle of Q-branch, looking around himself interestedly, humor sparking in his eyes at the many gobsmacked expressions currently being directed his way.

Q blinks again. The image isn’t going away.

The inventor of the Iron Man suit is standing in Q’s department, like he has every right to be here. Like he isn’t an American, like him casually infiltrating their oh-so-secure headquarters shouldn’t really be of any note at all.

And kudos to the man for not only managing to get inside MI6 at all but then also making it all the way to Q-branch without anyone stopping him. It’s not like Tony Stark of all people can claim to have one of those ‘forgettable’ faces that might make sneaking past security in any way easier on him.

Then again, if there is one person on this planet no one expects to truly be able to keep out of their secure locations if he ever decides he wants to see what’s inside for whatever reason, well, then it’s Tony Stark.

Q stares, honestly speechless as the man – who Q might idolize just the slightest, tiniest bit and whose tech he absolutely adores taking apart for no other reason than that there is always something new, something groundbreaking contained in any newly released SI tech – casually glances around his lab.

Although, he is rather grateful to note that he at least isn’t the only one struck speechless, seeing as the guards and the security personnel and even a couple of agents who have by now scrambled through the door, fully intent on defending Q-branch from the intruder their alarms are warning of, look just as absolutely gobsmacked as Q himself feels.

Well, thankfully, for all of MI6’s agents’ usual kill-it-first-ask-questions-later approach to everything, every single one of the agents takes all of two seconds after lunging through the door, guns drawn and at-the-ready, unerringly pointed at the intruder, the supposed threat. Before said weapons instantly get pointed elsewhere.

Because, and let Q repeat himself here, _that's_ _Tony Stark_.

No one on this planet with at least half a brain would be stupid enough to actually threaten the inventor of the Iron Man suit of all people with a gun. Even if only to avoid the international clusterfuck it would inevitably lead to.

The man might not be royalty exactly, but if there is one thing the governments of this world generally tend to agree on, it’s that absolutely no one on this planet wants to start any sort of beef with him anyway, much less a personal one. Tony Stark is one of those people only the desperate, the vengeful, or the moronically stupid would ever purposely piss off. 

As evidenced by the fact that, despite elevating pissing-off-other-people-just-for-the-sake-of-it into a sort of art form or a personal hobby or something, Tony Stark doesn't have enemies as such.

Sure, there are loads of people who hate him, utterly despise him, would dance on the man's grave if he were to ever die. But 'enemies' implies someone who'd actually do something about it. And, yeah, very few people are actually that stupid.

And those who are usually don’t manage to stick around for all that long. Because Tony Stark has a tendency to wipe those, who truly piss him off, right off the map, leaving smoldering craters of destruction in their wake.

It's also the reason why no one is willing to keep aiming any sort of weapon on the man.

Q himself has done threat estimates of the Iron Man suit. And based on his calculations, leveling the entirety of MI6 would require only a fraction of the suit's arsenal and it would probably take the man about seventeen point three seconds to do it, including getting himself to safety and giving the required voice commands to his AI.

Iron Man is the sort of heavy hitter that normal people just can't go up against, super-spy agency or not.

MI6 deals in subterfuge and subtlety and manipulation. They find weak spots - or create them if need be - and then they find whatever they need to poke at it, to take out enemies. It's how they topple governments, take out world-level threats, assure the safety of their country - and even the rest of the world whenever they see the necessity.

For that reason alone, not a single person here would ever consider to try and mess with him.

And why would they? Everyone knows that Tony Stark is on _their_ side. The man has spent his entire life protecting their way of life. First as a weapons manufacturer, singlehandedly ensuring that the US military always had the biggest stick on the worldwide playground, and thereby guaranteeing that no one with less-than-genial intentions might ever so much as consider encroaching on the western world. And these days, Tony Stark has fully branched out into ensuring world peace and planetary protection instead.

Not to even mention that everyone here can more than respect the man’s unshakable loyalty to his own country. Every single person at MI6 certainly gets that particular mindset.

On top of that, just the fact alone that Tony Stark - despite being normal, unenhanced, _utterly human_ \- managed to build himself the tech he needed in order to let him keep up with superhumans and mutants and alien _gods_ ensures him the adoration of the entirety of MI6, just on principle.

In an increasingly less-than-ordinary world, having someone like Tony Stark walking around is more than a little reassuring to them all.

Because Tony Stark is _human_ , normal, literally power-less. And he still smacks around supervillains like it's a personal hobby of his, able to more than keep up with anything ‘super’ anyone might ever throw at him.

Q feels his lips quirk up slightly at the thought that there is a reason why it’s such an unspoken but generally acknowledged truth that the entirety of their planet – and the western world in particular – is endlessly grateful for the fact that Tony Stark seems utterly disinterested in becoming earth's overlord. Because unless the entire world banded together in an effort to topple him, based on Q’s projections there really wouldn't be much anyone could do to stop Iron Man from ruling them all, if Tony Stark ever decided to go supervillain on them.

Tony Stark is an absolute ass, a condescending bastard, flawed in so many ways. But, boy, are they all happy he is also generally on their side.

Never mind that the man just casually wandered into MI6’s supposedly unbreachable secret headquarters.

It really makes for quite the stand-off.

+++

"Mr. Stark, may I ask what made you infiltrate MI6?" M asks carefully, having appeared just a few minutes ago, clearly having decided that this is the sort of situation best dealt with by someone actually in charge.

"Hm?" Tony Stark hums questioningly, eyes having unerringly found Q's newest project and now fixed on it. And Q would be lying if he said the obvious interest gleaming in the man's eyes didn't make him swell with a smug sort of pride on the inside. "Oh, I'm just here to win a bet.”

There is a pause.

“A bet?” is the rather deadpan question that follows that particular assertion.

“Uhuh,” Tony Stark grins. “Bond bet me I couldn't infiltrate all your MI-somethings within a day.” Then, the man scoffs. “Seriously, how is that even a bet at all? I've already done the others and it’s barely noon. So, now I'm here to collect my winnings." A brilliant smile, the sort of boyish up-to-something-I-know-I-shouldn’t-be-doing-but-will-still-do-anyway-just-because-I-had-nothing-better-to-do grin that Q is actually rather familiar with. On his boyfriend’s face. Yeah, somehow he isn’t at all surprised at hearing that James is somehow involved in this particular mess.

“Bond,” M more states than asks, clearly just as unsurprised at that revelation as Q is. And it likely says something about their best Double-0 that no one is surprised to hear that Bond is somehow to blame for this.

Q almost wants to huff in exasperation. Because, _of course_ this somehow goes back to James. Who else.

Speak of the devil, in that exact moment the doors to the lab open once more, and James comes wandering in, throwing a casual glance around the room.

"Oh, hey, Tony," he greets, face stoic but eyes glinting in amusement. "I take it I owe you?"

"Indeed you do," Tony nods, his smirk widening into something definitely impish now as he holds out his hand in definite expectation.

James sighs but reaches into his jacket and pulls out his wallet.

Tony grins. "Hey, you were the one who dared me.” Then, he waggles his eyebrows, “Next time try to think of something a little more challenging."

 _Oh, please don’t_ , Q can’t help but think, instantly sees that particular thought mirrored on everyone else’s faces as well.

James just huffs even as he hands over what looks like a piece of paper instead of the stack of bank notes Q was kind of expecting, “I should’ve known the others wouldn’t hold you for long.”

Here, Tony Stark scoffs, “I don't think the others even realized I was ever there at all.”

Q eyes the piece of paper that Tony proceeds to let rather gleefully disappear into one of the pockets of his suit.

 _Nope_ , he thinks to himself, deciding that he doesn’t actually want to know what exactly his boyfriend might have put up as a wager. And whether whatever is on that paper might potentially compromise the world order in the future. Q knows nothing.

Tony Stark continues, "At least _your_ security system gave us a workout before we were able to program that camera corridor we needed to sneak in here."

"Let me guess," James asks humorously. "JARVIS did most of the work."

Q can't help but perk up slightly at the mention of Tony Stark's legendary AI. Never mind the indirect compliment of their security apparently having been good enough to at least give the man pause, if not enough to truly keep him out. Q preens internally. Even just momentarily stopping someone of Tony Stark’s caliber is all anyone can ever expect of their security.

"Of course JARVIS did most of the work," Tony just nods proudly in reply to James’ rather pointed question, apparently not at all bothered by the attempted needling aimed at him. "Like my baby would need any help from me. He says MI5's security system was particularly boring to crack."

James sighs, even as he grumbles about not being surprised that MI5's security is shoddy.

Where he is standing off to the side, watching his boyfriend and his idol cheerfully rib each other, Q can't decide whether he wants to smack James for forgetting to mention his apparent friendship with one of the greatest minds on the planet or whether to kiss him for getting Tony Stark to come here at all.

And, well, Q is just going to ignore the rather suspiciously coincidental timing of James betting Tony Stark to break into MI6 today of all days. You know, on the exact date of their one-year anniversary.

It’s not like James is in any way unaware of just how much Q adores taking any Stark tech apart, how much time he spends dissecting the man’s coding whenever given half the chance. Never mind how Q just a few weeks ago had lamented how, if there were ever something to make him regret becoming Quartermaster at all, it would be the fact that with him being stuck at MI6 for the rest of his career, it virtually guarantees he’ll never get to meet Tony Stark himself at any point, won’t ever get a chance to pick the man’s brain.

Although, for now, Q is absolutely going to pretend that he believes in coincidence. Lest someone decides to blame this entire situation on him in some way, due to him possibly having put the idea of getting Tony Stark to break into MI6 in James’ head at all, no matter how unintentionally.

Instead, he cheerfully thinks of the definitely-not-MI6-sanctioned rocket launchers he included in the 'improvements' to James' new car, never mind the high-powered lasers that can easily cut through steel-reinforced concrete if needed, or the additional high-speed turbo gear he added just for the heck of it that'll have the car able to reach speeds definitely not approved of on the streets of their beautiful country. Hey, he never claimed that the two of them don't perfectly match in their propensity for creating a bit of mayhem whenever given half the chance.

Q glances across the room, can’t help but let his lips quirk into a – not-at-all-adoring, mind you – grin as he finds James already looking back.

Still, Q denies everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly little piece of utter ridiculousness that popped into my head earlier today and then just wouldn’t leave. So, here you go. Hope you enjoy :D Also, I kind of unintentionally wrote a small second part to this from Tony’s POV? But since that part is quite a bit more serious in tone than this, not sure whether I’ll actually add that bit…
> 
> Would love to know what you think :D Hope you all had a wonderful start into the new year!


End file.
